Sugar Dick

“Who’s Dick?”

“What? What dick?”

“No, Who’s Dick.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Whose dick?”

“Just listen to what I’m saying. Who. Is. Dick?”

“Oh, Dick? Dick Chambers, from the book club?”

“Yes. Who the hell is Dick?”

“He’s Kath’s friend from her hiking club.”

“And he’s in your book club?”

“Why do you sound so annoyed about that? Are… are you jealous?”

“Are you laughing at me? No, I’m not damn well jealous…”

“What’s that look? You think I’m interested in him? You know that’s not true…”

“Do I?”

“Wow. Really? Wow.”

“I’m sorry.”


“Please, don’t… I am sorry. It’s just… Okay I’m jealous. I love you Toby, and… Okay, knowing you are spending time with other guys makes me jealous.”

“That sounds like a you problem, not a me problem. Your jealousy, your issue, I’m just reading books.”

“But, wait. Kath’s gay.”

“Are you serious? Yes, he’s not her boyfriend. He just likes Peter Hamilton.”

“Who the hell is…”

“The author we’re reading now. He has like, twenty books so we needed more people. We were all meant to bring one person into the club as a start. Kath brought Dick.”

“Ironically, ha! So, why is he texting you? I thought it was someone asking for a dick pic…”

“Is that what this is about? You saw that message? You could have just asked.”

“Babe, this is me asking.”

“He wanted to know if I have any dietary requirements. He’s hosting the next meeting and he’s texting us all to make sure, after last time.”

“Why’s he texting about sugar?”

“Carol’s husband is diabetic, there was an issue at the last meeting. That’s what I’m saying. I actually told you all about this.”

“Oh yeah. Right. So, you’re not interested in shagging Sugar Dick?”

“Should I ignore you asked that?”

“Ugh. I just… there are so many new people, and I don’t know them and I… I don’t want you to meet someone who is into books and other things you like and decide that they are… that you… I don’t want you to leave me when you find someone better. I’m… My love for you makes me desperately insecure.”

“And jealous. I love you, you idiot, I only want you. I don’t… if it’s that much of an issue why don’t you come along?”

“To the book club?”

“Yes. Come and meet everyone and read, or we could read together… Dan wasn’t into books until he joined. If you don’t like it, no pressure. But it’s something we could do together I guess.”

“Would you like that?”

“I think I would, yeah.”

“Okay. I would like that too. And I have nothing to be jealous of? With Sugar Dick?”

“No. And Darren, please remember not to call him that to his face. Or in front of people. Or ever. Thanks babe.”