I mustn’t force others to walk on egg shells around me
As love turns back into friendship, sanity can’t fracture.
I need time to process, but after that, sure,
Yes, certainly we can be friends again.
As if nothing ever happened.
As if those three words never left my lips.
I can take a deep breath
And hold in all that decays within me.

But I am a poet.
I want a more dramatic panic inducing experience.
I’m absolutely dying to self-destruct.
I want to drive my car through every house in town
Smash into a tree, reverse, drive, reverse, drive
Until the wood is within reach
So I may punch and slam into it with head and fist
Until I pass out from blood loss or head trauma.
I want to smash every bottle I make empty
On the asphalt, windows, and stop signs.
I want to force our friends to shred their feet on broken glass
And spit on them for wanting shoes.

I want to lose myself in the woods.
Climb trees and jump off into lord knows what.
I want to show outward how I feel inside to all that gaze upon me.
But instead I must dissolve inwardly,
Smile fakely, and carry on without my heart.