An attempted love letter to myself
I know this might seem like it’s coming out of nowhere, but I want you to know that it’s not. I also know that it will sound so ridiculous and cheesy, but I am going to say it anyway. I need you. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone.
I need you to be brave. Even if it’s bravery in the acts you consider to be small, like eating when you have no desire to (or as you say “inspiration”), but you know that you need to.
I need you to be honest. I need you to tell your friends the truth about how you feel. And if you seriously feel like they don’t want you there. You need to have a conversation with them and not just rely on your thoughts. Sorry! But I am gonna need proof. Your mind reading isn’t as good as you think it is.
I need you to get out of your head. The world is huge, and your head is not, even if it feels like that sometimes. I know that it’s hard to care about other people’s stories when you feel like you can’t care about anything at all. But trust me. It helps. Just listen to what they have to say. Sometimes other people can open whole universes inside you. So, allow them to. There are so many amazing people in this world, so much love, art, literature and life. Don’t forget that.
You know you love meeting new people and spending time with the ones you already love. So spend some time with them. Even if it’s just small talk or a small conversation. Small steps.
You know that you love art. And not just experiencing it, but taking part in creating it. So, keep doing that. Even if you begin with just colouring in lines created by someone else. Art after all is collaborative, even if it doesn’t always seem to be.
I also want to say that I think I love you. I know what you think about yourself, but there’s definitely a spark here and I do enjoy spending time with you. So, let’s keep working on this.
*This piece was previously published on Just Living
Jasmine Kaur (she/her) is a queer punjabi writer/artist. She likes to surround herself with stories and poetics in any medium, including audio, video, still images and performance. She tends to be weird like other normal abnormal normal people and enjoys pretending that she’s very self-aware. Some of her work has been published in Visual Verse, streetcake magazine, Stellium, and Tilt (by Queerabad). She’s currently a Masters in Philosophy student at Delhi University. You can find parts of her on the internet at https://sites.google.com/view/jasmine-kaur/ or @trying0000 on Twitter and @jasmineismeltingintosummer on Instagram.