i kissed him and now a weighted blanket isn’t enough anymore
i need his knee between my legs, anchoring us to right here, right now
i need to question what love is

i need to cling to him like i cling to the ground
like i cling to comfort when i have nothing else to lean on
when i look up and realize i’m falling
when i look down and realize i’m going nowhere fast

when my parachute fails,
his whispered breath on my neck brings me back to this plane
his breath on my lips brings me back to this bed
when the wind whips and tangles every nerve
i need to be the painkiller
i need to be the pain
i don’t know what’s here and what’s right
i’m tumbling through the grief of who i used to be
i can only cling to who i am right now
i can only cling to these sheets

i need him like the ocean needs the moon

i need him like a new moon on a high tide
when the waves slam against the rocks,
begging for him to come again
i need him to scream for me like a broken leg thrown against jagged rocks
i need him to light me like a candle in the dark, like a lighthouse in the storm

i need him like icarus needs the sun
i need to be free
i need to tumble from this body and smite the gods themselves
i need to be the siren’s song
i need to be the sailor’s scream

i need to be the ocean and the moon and the stars and this star
and i need his fingers dragging down my deformed body
i need the cracks and crevices filled
i need the crags soothed and the shipwreck softened back into the sand
i need the air in my body whispered quick, calm, quiet
i need to realign my soul
i need to die to feel again
i need to be safe and i need it again and again and again